The Pitfalls Of Being A Strong Person

 

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Stay strong, be brave, love hard and true, and you will have nothing to lose.”- Demi Lovato

“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.” -John F Kennedy

 

Strength could be of different forms. Physical and mental. While physical being the brute force. Mental strength can be strength of character, endurance, belief, conviction, manifestation and so on. We have been grown with the notion of strength of character being the goal. Quotes like the few I have stated above, are supposed to motivate us to make us stronger. Weakness is undermined and undesired. Weakness is what makes you less. Does that mean we are bereft of weakness? No, it just means we are better at hiding them.

Displaying strength and determination in the face of a crisis is the best way of facing it. Crisis is where strength is of upmost importance. Wars. Natural calamities, famine, and other such dire consequences can only be endured by strength of the body and mind combined.  But what about a normal day in a normal life? All of us have varying levels of stress and corresponding level of facades that we create to hide our actual feelings. There are some of us who are consumed with this desire to maintain this pretense of strength that we forget we are human beings too.

Most of us have an inner circle of people with who they can share their vulnerability. They share each other’s insecurities, difficulties or just things that demean their strengths. For one person it could be their family, for someone else it could their group of friends, for others it could internet forums or for someone it could be there romantic partner. To each one their own. This is a healthy way of living as far as the communication works both the ways. Which means each person gets to share their troubles with others and it is equally received with empathy. Once they have shared vulnerabilities, they can go back to being strong in front of the world.

The problem arises when the communication works only one way. Which is to say that you are so obsessed with maintaining your mask of strength that you never let your vulnerabilities show not even to people whom you love or are close too. To think about it, you would prefer for your weakness to slip in front of total strangers rather than people who trust you with their problems. You think even a slight display of your weakness will mar your image of resilience that you have built over the years. This is when toxicity enters your life.

 

Signs that your strength has turned toxic:

• You Are Always Available: Though being there for your loved ones is a desirable quality, ignoring your priorities over other grievances is not.
• Hiding Pain: You find it extremely difficult to share your pain with others. You can be an expert at hiding what your true feelings are.
• Nobody asks If you Are Okay: Nobody does. And who is to blame? You have been so successful in camouflaging things behind humor all this time, that not a single person thinks you could ever have a problem.
• Reaching Out Doesn’t Help: The worst part is the day you reach your threshold and start to think that maybe talking about it will help alleviate your problems and reach for a friend, chances are you would not be taken seriously or worst even admonished. It hurts a lot and you almost immediately feel extremely lonely and a sense of betrayal. And this behavior further reinforces your belief of seclusion.
• You Shun People Who Try to help you: if a person tries to coax you out of your hiding, you try your best to stay away from him/her with the fear of your vulnerability being exposed.

If you agree with the above points welcome to the self-imposed life of toxicity. Is it your friends / loved one’s fault that they didn’t take you seriously? How can they? Ask yourself, you have spent so much time and effort in creating this image of being invincible. Does this mean you have no hope or any help?

The Solution:

• No! Its not so bleak. You have one person that will hear your problems and most probably have solutions for it too. The same person who is there for everyone else. It’s YOU, yourself.
• When you can be a pillar of support for the people in your life, the least you could do for yourself is to listen to your mind and spirit.
• My favorite quote is “Expectations are the root cause of sorrow.” Be there for the people that trust you with their problems, but don’t expect them to be there for you.
• Try and slowly accept your weaknesses. It would be hard but recognizing your shortcomings won’t reduce your self-worth but just make you more human.
• Stop criticizing yourself. There could be people who do not like you, let them do their job.
• Be kind to yourself. If you won’t, then how can you expect others to be?
• Be patient and understanding of your predicament.
• Do not judge yourself harshly. Mistakes are what makes us wiser, if we wish to learn from it.

Anything in excess is always toxic, be it water, sun, oxygen, food or emotions. Its how me manage them either makes it a boon or a bane. Choose wisely. Remember, moderation is the key.