Always Choose Love Over Hate

 

Have you ever come across the story of crabs? Apparently if you put a bunch of crabs in a box you don’t have worry about any of them escaping. Why? Because even if one crab tries to crawl out, the other crabs pull it by its leg back inside the box. Sad. But you know with whom this story can be easily replaced with? Women.

Our newspapers and major media sources are filled with articles of crimes against women, discrimination against them and how it’s high time that all these should stop. There are also instances of women shining through tough situations, being independent and making a name for themselves. We speak a lot about, how men should support and respect women in their decisions. But we rarely discuss the role of women in our life. Does their support count? Does it affect us adversely? The answer is a resounding Yes!

YouTube star and phenomenon Superwoman Aka Lilly Singh launched a campaign called Girl Love in 2017 with an intention to end girl on girl hate. Some may say it’s just harmless banter, but it’s not. It’s something that all of us face on day-to-day basis.

Here are just a few instances:

At School / College:

There have been many girls who have experienced unwarranted hate for matters related to their appearance, their financial background, their parent’s profession, the people they talk to or for the simple reason that they appear to be different. Bullying in school is unfortunately true and affects majority of the children. Major movies and television shows have used this as a subject. Though in the movies the protagonist always overcomes the bully and succeeds in reforming them. Sadly, this does not necessarily happen in real life. Bullying has been proven to impact the mental growth of children.

 

At Workplace:

A major part of women’s independence is her securing a job and proving her worth in so-called male dominated industry. You did think, that this is somewhere women would support each other since at this we are all adults and have the same goal of excelling in our chosen field. But its disheartening to see all the ways women target and demean each other. For example

• If a woman dresses well and is confident, she is trying to attract attention and plans to secure promotions with her charm.
• At the same time if she doesn’t dress in a modern way or apply makeup, she is a village simpleton, who knows nothing and should not be taken seriously.
• If a woman is heavily built, she is constantly body shamed and given unsolicited advice on losing weight.
• If a woman takes a break in her career, it becomes more and more difficult for her to find a job.
• If someone is doing well in their passion, it must be because her father/husband is wealthy.
• If a mother starts doing well at her work, she must be ignoring her child and her family.
• If a mother does not work for the sake of looking after her child, she must be lazy and lack ambition.

There are also many working women who take digs at women who do not have a job and ask questions like “what do you the whole day?”, or “You must not be aware of prevalent affairs since you are at home all the time”? OR “How do you feel seeing your education being wasted?”

 

At Home:

Home is synonymous with haven. Where you are safe from prejudices and can be comfortable in your skin. I personally feel girl on girl hate starts from home only.

• Comparing your own daughter with others. Either for academic purposes or physical appearances.
• Cousins hating on each other due to the same comparisons enforced by parents or just a need to outperform each other.
• Daughter in law bashing in the family is just too common. I don’t understand the reason women feel to belittle a new member of the family. In most of the cases the men of the family have no issues or problems.
• I have heard some mother in-laws blatantly accepting that they don’t want their daughter in laws to have the freedom they never had.

 

How can we expect the society to support us, if we ourselves don’t support each other? The society we live in promotes hate and benefits from the rift created. Just imagine how many major industries profit from this girl on girl hate. Cosmetic industry constantly pits women against each other in their advertisements.

Think of a world where women supported each other. You don’t have to do anything extraordinary. Just few simple steps like the ones below can bring a huge difference.

 

Steps that can be taken:

• Refuse to slander any woman: Once a friend of mine shared pictures of a common friend we knew in which she wore what was according to us “inappropriate clothing”. At that time even I agreed with her and said something on the lines of how wrong it was of her to wear such a revealing dress? But after some days I realized that it was I that was wrong. Who am I? or for that matter anyone to judge a person based on their clothing. I kept feeling guilty for a long time until recently when I came across an article saying that our first reaction to any situation is the societal bias that has been ingrained in us from an early age. Our second reaction is what we truly are. That gave me a little comfort. So even if you feel a sense of hatred or bias towards another woman for no apparent reason, know that it is not you, give it a second thought and you will find a difference.
• Don’t ridicule/judge their choices: You may not have made the same choice but it’s not your life. Remember that.
• Give compliments to fellow women behind their back: There’s a saying in Hindi that its easy to be good in front of the person but the true test of a person is how he/she speaks about you behind your back. Plus, when you speak positively of a person in their absence, people tend to attach more credibility to it.
• Support each other’s work: It helps a lot especially in small businesses and creative work. Your support can mean a lot and helps it reach like-minded people. When your friend starts a business, do not doubt their capabilities instead help them by being their customers, leave good reviews and recommending them to your friends and family. Most of the time I find people discouraging woman saying things like you cannot manage house and business together and it’s just a waste of resources. Even if the business turns into a loss, it’s still a learning experience for them. All you must do is motivate them.
• Help each other whenever you can: I cannot emphasize more on this. Be there for each other. If you find your friend or colleague struggling with something that you could help with or know someone who can, you should do it. Instead of mocking them.
• Be Kind: A smile, few kind words can go along way in making a person feel better. Every person has their own battles to fight. Don’t judge or criticize, just be kind.

 

These are just few of the billion ways we as women can support each other in this world. At the same time all the above points are applicable to men too. I emphasize on women because unfortunately hate seems to be more rampant among us.

Lastly,

“Agar kisika accha nahi kar sakte ho, toh kisika bura bhi mat socho.”

Which roughly translates into if you cannot do any good, don’t think bad either.

Hoping for a world where love overcomes hate in all respects. 🙂